December 29 - The Miracle of Connection
Last Updated on Saturday, 29 December 2012 12:06
As we near the end of this year and start looking forward to the next, it is helpful to begin to design an intention for the new year… something to remember when our addictive moods beckon…something that will bring us closer to the life we desire rather than the one we have tried so hard to forget. Today I was thinking about what I want to do for the upcoming year, and I was remembering some of my intentions from the past. One in particular stood out from the rest.
In my family, as I was growing up, I learned that there was a right way and a wrong way to do everything…and my parents’ way was the right way, and mine was not! And since the “apple” doesn’t fall far from the “tree,” by the time I reached adulthood, I was pretty much the same…my way always seemed to be the “right” way…at least to me!
Quite a few years ago I decided it would be beneficial to expand my point of view in this area. I had just attended a lecture by Wayne Dyer where he had spoken briefly but profoundly about choices. “If you have a choice,” he said, “of being right or being kind, choose kind every time.” I loved this idea…I just didn’t know how to do it very well…yet.
So I took this on. I made it my intention to concentrate on being kind…every time. I soon learned that this definitely would take a significant amount of practice before I would notice much progress!
At first it was really, really difficult. To me it felt like either my point of view had to be tucked away and ignored…or other people’s differing opinions must be proven to be incorrect. But then I had an idea.
“Why don’t I just look for a fit?” I thought suddenly. To this day, I still am not sure why those words occurred to me.
However, they were invaluable just a little while later when a family member and I were having difficulty handling a conversation in an adult fashion. I was absolutely certain that his viewpoint was completely incorrect, and he felt the same about mine. We had gone back and forth a number of times, and I was about to leave the room in exasperation. There seemed to be no way that I could convince him that I was right... even though I “knew” I was.
As I turned to leave, I remembered my new intention...the one where I would look for the fit whenever there was an opposing point of view.
Because…and only because…I had committed to dedicate a whole year to learning how to see the fit rather than trying to prove his opinion wrong and mine right I slowly turned my feet back towards his chair, and I knelt down by his side. “Tell me again what you see,” I said. He looked a bit surprised but took out the paper and began to explain what he was trying to say one more time. In that instant, I actually saw the validity in his point of view.
It was a breathtaking “aha” moment.
He wasn’t wrong, and neither was I! We were actually just seeing something from two different perspectives. I would be happy to share with you what that something was, but I actually don’t remember today. It was one of those inconsequential things that can cause consequential results in a relationship. But instead, I remembered my intention; I connected with it; and I turned to connect with this person in a new and genuinely curious way.
The rewards were enormous. It was as if we were dancing with creativity. We literally put our minds together and came up with a very powerful solution, where before we were battling over miscellaneous odds and ends. The new feelings we discovered were far more exciting than any addictive substances that I can imagine!
What is your new intention for this year? How can you remember to connect with your intention so that you can truly connect with another? What new exciting perspectives will you be able to fit with your own? How will this expand your world? What miracles are waiting for you as you do?